Last night, my husband and I went out to dinner, and I’m pretty sure I talked his ear off for an hour straight.
This isn’t an uncommon occurrence, especially on a day like yesterday, where I had very little interaction with other human beings. (I’m pretty sure the longest conversation I had was with my dog.)
Running your own business is fantastic, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world.
But when I talk to solo creative business owners, the number own thing they complain about is loneliness.
In some ways, it’s comforting to hear that other solo-preneurs go through this too.
I live in the country (where I’m definitely not surrounded by like-minded creative people) and I always thought that was a big contributor to my loneliness.
But I’ve spoken with friends who live in major cities who feel the same way.
When your job is to be in your studio or at your computer working, it doesn’t matter where you live. You’ll be spending a lot of time alone.
I’m totally an extrovert, and I need people for energy, so over the years, I’ve developed some sound strategies for coping with my loneliness. Here are a few of my favorites:
Skype. It seems so simple, but Skype has become a really important tool for me when it comes to fighting loneliness. Often, when I connect with someone online (or at an event or conference) I’ll suggest we get together and have a Skype chat. I have several friends where we have semi-regular Skype dates (in fact, I’ve got two tonight!) and if I get a good conversation going with someone over social media, I’ll suggest we pick a time to Skype. Sometimes I use video, other times just audio. But the important thing is that these Skype dates let me connect with like minded solo-preneurs from around the world.
Travel. I’m fortunate to have friends not only across the US, but around the world. Part of this is due to the Internet, but it’s also thanks to my commitment to traveling. Relationships take effort, and I’m not afraid to hop on a bus or a plane from time to time to get some quality time with the people who matter. If I can extend a business trip to spend a few days with a friend in a nearby city, I absolutely will. But I also make new friends and connections through traveling. Whether it’s a trade show or a conference, it’s important to get out of your regular work environment and make connections with other solo-preneurs.
Invite someone for coffee. I don’t meet many kindred spirits where I live, so if I do come across someone online who lives near me and we seem to hit it off, I make an effort to get together. (Even if it means putting in some drive time.) If you’re already interacting with someone local to you on social media, it only makes sense to take the conversation face to face. I realize that for many people it can be scary to ask someone to coffee, but it’s definitely worth the risk. It’s how Tara and I became best friends and why I’ve been working so much with Amber lately. A simple cup of coffee can lead to some amazing connections and collaborations.
Teach. For many years, I drove an hour and a half (one way) to teach one day a week at a university. Even when I no longer needed the paycheck, I still continued to teach for a while, because I wanted the connection and community that come from teaching. Now, I no longer drive to teach, but teaching online still helps combat my loneliness. When I teach a class, I have both a Facebook group and regular live group coaching calls. These give me the opportunity to interact with a group on a regular basis, and, even though I’m the one teaching, I usually leave inspired with new ideas for my business.
Unfollow. (Or step away from social media.) This last one seems counter intuitive, but I also have a pretty strict unfollow policy to help combat loneliness, especially when it comes to Instagram. Everyone uses Instagram in different ways, and there are definitely people who predominantly post pictures of themselves and the people they hang out with. (Who always seem so cool.) With lots of those images in my feed, it’s easy to feel lonely and jealous. So I simply unfollow. And if I know there’s a big conference where many people in my social media feeds are (and I’m not) I’ll step away from those social media channels for a few days. Being a solo-preneur is lonely enough without being bombarded by images of how much fun everyone else is having.
I’d love to hear from you. Do you ever feel lonely as a solo-preneur? And what do you do to combat that?
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Interested in using teaching as a tool to combat loneliness, jump start your own business, and make meaningful connections? The next session of Do/Teach starts Monday! Click here for all the details and to claim your spot!
Hi Megan – I really enjoyed this post as I can, at times, start to feel a little “cut-off” from the outside world. I’m an introvert so it’s easy for me to let that happen but it’s a goal of mine to connect more and get out there!! I love all the tips you offer above for ways to develop and share with existing contacts. the introvert in me, however, is always interested to know how you made those online connections in the first place. I’d love to read a post on that!
Emma x
Hi Megan,
I’m so glad you wrote about this. I’ve been reevaluating my business and the number one problem for me is the lonliness factor. I’ve always counted on jobs to connect me with people on a regular basis. My business is only part-time now but I feel like I need to resolve the lonliness issue if I’m ever going to be able to take it full-time.
One thing I do is listen to streaming radio on my computer while I work. It feels like it keeps me connected to the world. Also, I had to put down my dog a few months ago. Not having that furry companion to get me outside regularly, is a loss. I may have to get another dog before I can expand my business. 🙂
I’ve been brainstorming about this and one idea I’ve had is to take my laptop to a coffee shop when I have marketing work to do. (I’m taking your marketing course right now and I absolutely love it.) I haven’t done the coffee shop thing yet, but I like the sound of it.
Mary
Thanks for these tips and addressing this issue. It’s good to look at some of the less glamorous sides of working for yourself and figure out ways around them. The fear of being isolated and “inside my own head” too much is one of the reasons I fear quitting my day job.
I forgot to mention: I went to my first women’s business networking lunch last week. And while it was mostly realtors, financial planners and massage therapists who attended and I was the only ‘creative’ business represented, it was still good to connect with other business women face to face.
Love that you addressed this Megan! I joke that my coworkers are my pets. I think co-working spaces are such an awesome answer to this problem. Most cities have them now…and even some towns! I live in a fairly small city and we have an awesome coworking space here.
I’m so glad you posted this, Megan! The loneliness factor can set in so easily, regardless of whether we’re introverts, extroverts, or somewhere in between. When we’re working in our studios or at our computers all day (self-isolating), the online sphere just can’t cut it for those truly rewarding personal relationships.
That’s exactly one of the points I’m aiming to address with Maker’s Nation—get out of the house, meet new people who have similar goals but different perspectives, and build upon shared experiences in an effort to become better businesspeople. I call this “meeting your people the old-fashioned way!”
For me personally, I recently moved out away from the close-in neighborhoods in Portland to the suburbs, and despite being an introvert, it’s been interesting to see how I compensate for relative solitude. Lots of coffee dates and happy hour meetups, casual networking events (though I *must* attend these with a friend or I clam up and never talk to anyone), and regularly scheduled meetings all help combat a sense of disconnectedness.
Keep up the great work!
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Megan,
I agree that it can be lonely working for yourself and working from home and I applaud you, Megan, for starting this dialogue. I also feel that there is something else going on- a deeper longing- that is hard to recognize and discuss. This unmet need isn’t satisfied by busy-ness, idle chatter, or over-stimulation. This longing for authentic connection drives us to seek out real relationships with other people. We can use the internet and social media to make friends and find people who share some of our interests, but I wonder if direct contact (face-to-face and in real time) is the only way to satisfy our longing to be seen, heard, witnessed and to hold a space for another to reciprocate. Even as I write this, it feels so funny to put these words online! I guess I am learning how to engage using these outlets.
Many blessings,
Luci
my loneliness involves not having many creative friends IRL. but even deeper…its that the friends i DO have, are so into the corporate culture….that i can’t really even bounce ideas i’m excited about off of them. they mean no harm…but everything sounds impossible, “out there”, silly or suspect to them. it makes me feel more isolated than being alone in my studio.
I have to agree with you BIG TIME on the social media factor. I’m severely introverted so it’s easy for me to get caught up working by my lonesome (and loving it) but once I start to see “everyone hanging out without me” on Facebook, I get the gut-reaction of feeling left out.
Now I work hard to make sure I am getting some good girl-time in with my friends, as it can too easily go a month or more without that interaction before I realize my life is out of balance.
Hey Megan,
I know exactly what you mean about feeling lonely! I’m a WAHM and conversations with my almost three year old and almost three month old are not enough to keep me from talking my poor husband’s ear off either! It doesn’t help that I’m not always the most social person, but I do love your ideas for fighting this loneliness. I am very much inspired to reconnect with old friends and reach out to make new friends! It also helps to keep some noise going in the background so you at least feel like there are other people with you, sad as that may seem. 🙂
Thanks,
Jenn Fisher
Loves You Stationery Co.
Ever heard of email bankruptcy , Father? You bclaailsy notify everyone that you’re deleting the whole batch of email because you’re hopelessly behind, but for them to please resend any email of critical importance. (critical importance being defined as, if you don’t read this email the world will end ). 🙂
Hi Megan,
It’s like you were reading my heart and soul! I have been blessed with a great full time creative business (your business courses and blog have helped tremendously to get me there) but loneliness does creep in. Your tips are great! Thanks for sharing. What I find fascinating is how one can be lonely even in the midst of a subdivision full of people and a busy family life – connections with similar minded people seems to be a big part of it for me. It’s like I am craving a safe zone. Perhaps it’s time to reach out and find my creative posse!
Heather
Great article Megan,
Sometimes I feel like people like us aren’t ‘meant’ to say this, because they are ‘so lucky’ to work from home… Which is considered a luxury by many… However, it’s definatly an issue with everyone I talk to… My Solution? Start working in little coffee places and cafés, or rent a flex-workspace for a day a week, If you’ve got that option of course… it really works..
Hi Megan,
I agree: being a freelancer/self-employed creative can be extremely rewarding and isolating at the same time. I’ve never thought about unfollowing someone as a way to combat loneliness, but you’re right, I definitely get a little down when I see all the great fun everyone is having…without me.
One thing I’ve done to combat loneliness and professional isolation is to create a community. I’m a freelance copywriter and had no one to talk to about it. I met other freelance copywriters in Portland, and we eventually got together in a group that meets every month to talk about our business stuff, and then a second time per month to drink beer and just hang out.
Thanks for sharing your experiences as a freelancer. I’m going to go dust off my Skype account right now!
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How fantastic to find this post!! I have been continually working on combating the lonely part of this business. And yes, I did think it was just me. 🙂 It is particularly hard when all of your family and friends have jobs that make them unavailableand out-of-touch for most of the day. These are some of the things that I’ve found to work for me:
-Rotating between my own music playlists, an online radio (Pandora, etc), audiobooks or even a favorite movie. It always depends upon my mood that day. Sometimes I want the consistency of my own Playlist songs or the comfort of a starry-eyed, travel movie (Under the Tuscan Sun is my FAVE).Although, the one thing I have to be careful of is putting on a movie I haven’t seen, as it takes time away from my creating when my eyes are glued to the screen!
-Get physical! I’m a runner, so I try to work for a few hours in the morning then go for a run, come back and work some more before grabbing my daughter from school. With that physical exertion, it resets my mind and I am ready for an afternoon or even an evening work session.
-And last, but most recent…cutting out social media!! Like you suggested, sometimes, it feels as if every social media contact I have is out living some fabulous adventure-filled day, while I am stuck in a creative rut, in my teeny tiny…not-as-cute-as I always envisioned… studio. Instead of wasting time clicking between Instagram and Facebook, some days I cut them out entirely and settle back into my happy little introverted self.
So glad I found you today! I’ll be gobbling up all your advice as I build this lil’ business of mine. Thank you!
Thank you for finally articulating exactly how I have been feeling lately. I feel so empowered after reading your tips.